Wednesday, August 19, 2009

5 going on 25

A recent conversation with my five-year-old. Names have been changed to protect my possible future daughter-in-law.

Kid: Mom? I've got something to tell you.

Me: You do?

Kid: Yup. But you might not like it.

Me: Oh, dear. Lay it on me.

Kid: I'm engaged.

Me: Excuse me? Do you know what that means?

Kid: Yup. I'm going to marry Claire.

Me: You are?

Kid: Don't you like her?

Me: Of course I like Claire. She's a very nice little girl. But I think you might be too young for marriage.

Kid: Don't worry, I won't marry her 'til we're grown up.

Me: What's grown up?

Kid: When can I drive a car?

Me: Sixteen.

Kid: Sixteen then.

Me: Where will you live?

Kid: She can sleep in my bed. I have you and daddy's old bed.

Me: But you share a room with your little brother.

Kid: He won't mind.

Me: Can I ask how you became engaged to Claire?

Kid: I told her she was beautiful.

Me: That was nice of you.

Kid: And I like her clothes and I like her green swimming suit.

Me: (thinking) My five-year-old notices what girls look like in swimming suits!?!? Heaven help us all...

Kid: I think she's as beautiful as you are, Mommy.

Me: (melting a little in spite of the circumstances) You're a very sweet boy, honey.

Kid: Can I call Claire's mom and dad? I have to tell them that we're getting married.

Me: I think we'd better put that phone call off for a while (like another twenty years)...

* * * * * * * * * *

It's true, all of it. Not a word of a lie. Though I should give you a little background to help you understand where my son is coming from.

In exactly one week he will start kindergarten (sniff-sniff). A few decades ago, when my son's daddy went to his very first day of kindergarten, he got sent home. Yup, you read that right--they sent a five-year-old home from his first day of kindergarten. Why? Because my husband pushed a little girl into a cupboard and kissed her until she started to cry. Nowadays, they'd probably slap the kid with a sexual harassment suit. Thankfully, back then they just called his mom to pick him up (and, presumably, have a long talk about the inappropriateness of kissing girls who don't want to be kissed in cupboards where they don't want to be shoved).

Anyway, pair my recent engagement conversation with my husband's Cassanova-ish history, and I'm afraid I have a little lover on my hands... Pray for me, will you? And my handsome son... I miss the days when the woman he wanted to marry was me.


  1. Cheryl and I used to keep a note book of the funny statements our kids made. That notebook is 23 years old now, and we have a great time going back sometimes and reading it. You'll have that same experience reading this story and others you record 20 years from now!

    Just started Summer Snow. Cheryl appreciated the note. Also, I posted a selection from my book on Family Fountain - "Dad, Can I Come to Your Office" if you get a chance to look. wb

  2. It's amazing how you are SURE that you'll never, ever forget the funny things your kids say... And the very next day you do. A notebook is a great idea.

    Looking forward to checking out your book excerpt! Have a lovely Wednesday...

  3. that is so precious. and it is so sad when they hit those days that you are not the most beautiful girl in their lives anymore.

  4. You totally just made my eyes fill with tears. My "little" boy is now 11 and I miss the times when he would say things like that! Enjoy him...and hope that Claire doesn't mind the affection! (I would recommend making sure you get a pic of the two of them together...did that for my daughter with her kindergarten love and now it provides a lot of conversation and laughter!)

  5. I loved imagining that conversation play out (the best part was picturing your face)!

    Thanks for your sweet comment on my blog, Nicole.

    ~ Wendy

  6. Thanks, ladies.

    Amy, I'm lucky that my little one (just turned 3) still thinks I'm "pwetty." Whew. ;)

    Bina, Claire kind of likes the attention. However, a few weeks ago my son randomly kissed another friend's little girl, and though she was okay with it, I think her dad was a little perturbed. Not that I blame him--five is pretty young for smooching. Or is it just innocent?!? Has our culture warped even that?

    Wendy, it's a good thing I was unloading the dishwasher during this coversation. My son was spared my gap-mouthed shock... I'm sure my expression would have frightened him. :)

  7. Oh my goodness, that was the cutest post I've ever read. That is halarious about your husband. Prayers comin' atcha Nicole - I think time will only exacerbate the problem. :)

  8. I need those prayers, Katie. Especially after our most recent conversation (earlier tonight)...

    Kiddo: I'm in love with Claire.

    Me: I know. Can I at least come to the wedding?

    Kiddo: No, I think you'll probably be dead by then.

    AHHHHHHHHHH!!! I'm just praying that he's being precocious, not prophetic.

  9. I can understand you pain. When my daughter was in kindergarten she had a "boyfriend" and if you tried to tell her she was to young to have a boyfriend she would get very dramatic. She would give a speech like "But I love him and he loves me and we are going to get married!" The next year though she had a new boyfriend named Oscar. Oscar was Hispanic and for a little while all of her baby dolls were named Carlos! It's hard to watch or kids want to grow up so fast!

  10. "I think you'll probably be dead by then..."

    Ha ha haaaaaaa.... ha ha ha ha ha ha. That's fantastic. I miss you. Despite the fact we've only spent about... what... five days together, total?

    Strange. But beautiful.

  11. Miss you, too, Lisa.

    I agree. Strange, but very beautiful.