April 6, 2006
On my way home from Vancouver. In the air somewhere over Montana, I think.
“We must daily keep wound: that is, we must pray when prayer seems dry as dust; we must write when we are physically tired, when our hearts are heavy, when our bodies are in pain.” Madeleine
I find it amazing how quickly the devil can turn your mind from Christ and bog it down with the bustle and go of daily life. He convinces us (or maybe we convince ourselves) that there simply are not enough hours in the day and we must prioritize: emptying the dishwasher and getting supper on the table take precedence over the “luxuries” of reading, writing, and even devotion.
Okay, I’ve made this all generic, but who I am really talking about is myself, of course. Why am I so terrible at putting first things first? Why am I so quick to break the promises I make to God? Oh I am small and immature and undisciplined! What manner of childish, little girl am I if I immediately stop doing those things that have lost a little bit of their glimmer? “I’m not inspired right now--writer’s block.” “I’m feeling far from God right now--what good is prayer?” Madeleine is so right--it’s about discipline, about keeping my watch wound even when it’s not working properly.
I am called to obedience even in the dry spells when I am feeling anything but obedient. I pray I have the depth of character to do even those things I don’t feel inspired to do. I pray I have the integrity to walk a long, hard road in the same direction with my Master--even when I am unsure that he is by my side.