April 5, 2006
Waiting to take my citizenship test at the Canadian Immigration offices in Surrey.
“An artist at work is in a condition of complete and total faith.” Madeleine
My writing has so often been faithless. I believed that the ability to write was a gift that was wholly mine--I owned it and controlled it, any success or failure rested with my skill (or lack thereof) to manipulate it. What a pathetic delusion. And truly, who wants that kind of burden?
What a blessing to know, to really know, that each word I write is an act of faith in a creator who began a good work in me. Not only that, he has promised to carry it on to completion!
That said, I have always been (and will forever continue to be) pathetically unqualified for the work he has called me. I am small and weak, proud and posturing, insecure and cowering. My lack of qualification can numb me into fear, uncertainty, and utter inaction. Writer’s block. Or worse, I will intentionally run from what I know he is asking me to do.
The reverse: I believe it is about me. Equally destructive.
Keep me humble, Lord. Keep me focused on what you want to do in me and through me. Keep me believing that writing is an act of faith. That if I believe, make humble your servant, you will use me as you see fit and my life will be beautiful to you.