Monday, November 1, 2010

This is a test...

...of the emergency broadcast system. The Nicole Baart Blogger emergency broadcast system. Apparently it doesn't work because nothing was broadcast here while I was in emergency mode. System failure.

Oh, well. Sorry I've been absent. Last week was one of the hardest I've ever experienced. No, I can't really tell you about it; it's not my story to tell. But I cried more tears than I thought possible, and there was honestly a day when I believed, "We won't get over this. We will never get over this." And you know what? We won't. It'll always, always be with us, but I am starting to feel in tiny glimmers that we just might be better people on the other side. Softer, more compassionate. Capable of deeper love.

Anyway, thanks for being patient with me as I cried myself to sleep and ignored my computer for a week straight. I'm getting back into the swing of things. Slowly. Stay tuned this week for our final Million Miles post and some more thoughts on hurt and waiting and hope. It's there, isn't it? I have to believe that it is...


  1. I'm sorry that whatever happened happened. I hope you and your family heal well and are better for it.

  2. Maybe this will add a little comfort, Niki,

    Tears, Idle Tears
    - Alfred Lord Tennyson
    Tears, idle tears, I know not what they mean,
    Tears from the depth of some divine despair
    Rise in the heart, and gather to the eyes,
    In looking on the happy Autumn-fields,
    And thinking of the days that are no more.

    Fresh as the first beam glittering on a sail,
    That brings our friends up from the underworld,
    Sad as the last which reddens over one
    That sinks with all we love below the verge;
    So sad, so fresh, the days that are no more.

    Ah, sad and strange as in dark summer dawns
    The earliest pipe of half-awakened birds
    To dying ears, when unto dying eyes
    The casement slowly grows a glimmering square;
    So sad, so strange, the days that are no more.

    Dear as remembered kisses after death,
    And sweet as those by hopeless fancy feigned
    On lips that are for others; deep as love,
    Deep as first love, and wild with all regret;
    O Death in Life, the days that are no more.

  3. Sorry, Nicole. Hoping you feel His peace in the midst of the sadness.

  4. I'm sorry. I hope you still say that you can't love life more. Sorrow and grief are part of life in this fallen world. I can't imagine feeling an iota of the grief God feels, yet the wellspring of His joy is not hindered. May it be the same for us.

  5. You guys are all too amazing. Thank you so much for words of comfort and peace. I love how God raises people up to speak life when we are in the midst of despair. You are a blessing.

    And yes, the light does still shine. The breeze still blows. God is still good. All the time.

  6. Saying a prayer for you, Nicole! A friend of mine sent me a text message saying she was reading through some Psalms. "Blessed are all they that put their trust in Him." It was encouraging to me, I hope it may be for you as well.